I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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