I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
