Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
