i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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