Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
