My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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