woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
