After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
