i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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