dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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