I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sext me about skeletons
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