whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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