All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
