I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
