i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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