If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
