Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
