Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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