Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
