Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
