Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
