people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
