Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
