She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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