Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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