I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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