i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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