you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
