just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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