mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
