I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
