I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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