She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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