I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
