is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
