I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
