Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
