Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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