Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
