Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
