Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
