Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
