I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
