Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
