I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
