Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
