OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
