3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
