I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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