I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
