i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
